For months now I have thought about this blog. I have known that I want to update it. I have yet to come update it. I know that the reason that I have failed to update it is pretty simple really...I do not want to face the many truths that I am being faced with. I want to continue to live my life with my head in the sand.
I know that with just a little bit of effort I could really have the life of my dreams. So what is stopping me? I wish I could say that I don't know what is stopping me. But the truth is...that I do know. I just am scared to make the changes required to have that life.
How is that for courage???????
Monday, August 10, 2009
I have thought for awhile now about how journaling has helped with dealing with the grief of losing my dad. It has taken many different approaches to even begin to understand the gravity of this loss. But, in that process I have decided that journaling them on the computer makes sense so that I can actually look back on those tough days and see how far I have hopefully come.
In the process of of this self discovery, I have had so many thought running threw my head about so many things. At times, I have so many things that I want to say and do that I feel lost in my own thoughts. Yesterday, as I lay in my chair dreading the possible scenarios of Jeff's surgery today and probably even more anxious about being in a hospital again so soon after Dad's death, I remembered that nothing is as bad as it seems once some light is put on it. So, that is what I want to use this forum for...to shed some light on those thoughts that fill my head and some even that darken my spirit.
My hope is that the process will lighten my emotional load and help me to teach myself to be the wife, mother and woman that I hoped I would already be at this point in my life.